Expressing those feelings

Moving is hard. It is difficult to leave behind all that is familiar and start again in a strange place. As adults, we tend to bury our feelings in actions – work, unpacking, church, organizing. Children have a little more time to think about how they feel. They also have to explore how they feel because they have less experience. I have two children exploring and expressing their feelings. Unfortunately, their two sets of feelings conflict.

My daughter is 4 and she tells you exactly what she feels if she can. For example, she starts talking about Ranger (who is dead, as you might remember), or the other dogs we had in Antigua. Before you know it, Boo is sobbing about how much she misses them. Or she might talk about her friends. The other day, she was listening to a mother and daughter in a store. The mother called the girl CC. Boo turns to me and says, “You know, there was a Gigi in my class in Antigua. She was my best friend.” We talked about Gigi for a while and soon Boo was sad once more. Whatever she misses at any particular moment, the remembering leaves her sad and/or angry. She is sad that we don’t live in Antigua and angry that we won’t take her back. If she is sad, she cries. If she is angry, she shouts, slams doors and throws toys.

Our son did the angry/sad thing when we moved to Antigua. He was 6 and he complained constantly. He did not want to move from MN and he did not like Antigua. He missed sledding, snow ball fights and snow days. He missed days with his Uncle and visiting his cousins. He missed play grounds, water parks and rides. He missed Target and Wal-Mart (of all things!). He was unhappy and so he shouted, sulked, and was generally unpleasant. On the other hand, OK appears to be perfect in his opinion. He loves his soccer club, his school, his piano teacher. Everything is great (except maybe his sister). The most he complains about is “too much homework.”

So… I find myself with a son determined to live in the US and a daughter determined to live in Antigua. Neither one can understand the other’s feelings. Lord grant me patience and understanding to help them through these emotional times! And time – I pray they will sort out their feelings and deal with them better as they age. Would it be too much to ask that they develop empathy too?